my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
