My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize