is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
