new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
