Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
