he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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