First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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