Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
