If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize