ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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