Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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