I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
