loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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