Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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