I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
