Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
