im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
