Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
