That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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