kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
