i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
