and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
