at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize