It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
