i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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