i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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