peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
