i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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