I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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