I love black thongs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
