i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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