i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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