It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
