Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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