I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
