I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
