A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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