you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
