my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
