did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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