My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
