I will die if light touches me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
