I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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