ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
