So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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