In the future we'll all be gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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