I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
