It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
