I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
