That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
