just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
