There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
