Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
