Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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