YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
