did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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