sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
