someone owes me an orgasm
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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