if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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