HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
