When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
