her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im part way to drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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