I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
