I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All the doctor said was why
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
