My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
