I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize