Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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