i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
