I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
