Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize