No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm like, not good at living.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
