you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
